People let you down in this world... They hurt you, upset you, betray you and use you. There are up moments when they amuse you on purpose (as opposed to falling over accidentally in front of you), they comfort you, they sometimes love you and they usually have something useful to say.
There are the good, the bad and the hydrogens... The good are the kind who never put anyone down except themselves, the bad are the kind who critisize you for tiny things and arent even jealous of you, and then there are the hydrogens... they just float around and dont make an impact at all on your life unless there is a group of them. They are completely neutral.
Me? I'm the worst kind. I critisize people as it's my humour and my thoughts, I try to make people feel good but then turn cold in an instant as I'm sick of sympathy, then I might talk behind their back... not in a bitchy way, but I really don't have that much to talk about!
Anyway... It doesn't help when you're reading books written by Chuck Palahniuk, and you have friends who are so over-dramatic you want to shoot them in the tongue, watch them scream and cry and then watch their eyes slowly roll backwards as the drop to the ground. Twisted I know, what's worse is that I picture it as I write it and I find it so compelling I have to think of it more, make a scene out of it (so to speak)...
On the plus side, it's given birth to a new want; to study Criminal Psychology... Putting yourself into the mindset of a madman sounds quite appealing to be honest... Find out what motivates people to burgal houses, what twists someones emotions to that point when they think "I'm going to slowly gouge your eyes out with some tweezers just so I can pop them at the same time." To me, it would feel like a vacation to be in a different mindset for just 5 minutes...
Maybe there are hundreds of fifteen-year-old girls my age dreaming up amazing, American, blonde guys to use in a book, to then give him a gay scene with the main character of the book (his best friend) and to tell him of his father raping him at the age of seven... Somehow, I don't think so... haha
Am I happy as I am? No. I'm fully concious that I'm not a nice person, I have a dim dark outlook on life which just gets me down and not even for good reasons, I'm really boring and obsess over little things way too much, I'm the kind of person that ruins moments... No wonder Henri French would never touch me even if I was the cure to cancer...
Oh well, some people are just harder to please than others!
Kindest Regards,
StripeS xx
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