My Heart (27% recycled)

There are few things I'm completely and madly obsessed with. Want to know the top five in order? Here we go:

1. the English Language.
2. Notebooks.
3. Boys.
4. All Day Bus Tickets.
5. Motorways.

Why would a fifteen-year-old female living in Wales be so over-the-top in love with these random objects? Well, I'm not really sure. Here's a brief description of why I love them.

• THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE: Is there anything more amazing than the way carefully worded sentences can either make or break a person? It can ruin their career, make them a star, make someone fall in love with them or make somebody despise them for the rest of eternity. Is there anything more exciting than tension in a book? Is there anything more heartfelt than reading the suicide letter of one of your favourite stars? Is there nothing more amazing than hearing Stephen Fry's smart and witty comebacks, knowing that he had less than a second to come up with the intricate wording and the tone to go with it? The answer to all of these questions is the same: No, there isn't.
• NOTEBOOKS: I go to the shop and I buy a brand new notebook. I go home and carefully write in the first ten pages of this notebook. I go to a shop and buy another notebook. Why? I doubt even God knows. I love notebooks, I love opening the cover and having a blank lines to write my thoughts, lists and scenes on, I love the short, sweet moment of excitement when I have an empty notebook in my hand. There is nothing quite as exciting as writing, my love for the English language proves this in my mind.
• BOYS: Okay, whatever. This doesn't really fit in with the rest of the list, but I'm not talking about REAL boys. I'm talking about people who are ten times better than you could ever imagine being. Boys with individual style, boys with original ideas, boys with voices that could make you melt. See a girl on Tv that has all these things, she's either a man's creation or one of the following: a bitch, a lesbian, a maniac. I guess I'm a tad sexist, but when I write my (twisted) tales, it's always a male to female ratio of 3:1, no joke. Men are just so much nicer and cooler than women.
• ALL DAY BUS TICKETS: You have one of these and you can go ANYWHERE. Seriously, go to a place, get bored, get on a bus to a different place. Simple. I can't really explain this one much. It just makes me feel powerful, like a sailor, to have a ticket that can take me wherever I want to go, geez, I might not even know where I'm going! But it can take me there anywho!
• MOTORWAYS: It's hard to explain, I think I just love being in a moving vehicle. Not without music though, if I was on a motorway without my iPod then I'd cry (I already have before actually!). I seriously want to find an everlasting motorway. I love it when there's a lot of traffic so the car barely moves for ages, I love it with all the cars whooshing past. I could just sit in a car or a bus on the motorway (maybe even a train) and just write and listen to my iPod, that would be bliss to me.

So there we go, I tried to explain myself for others to understand, and maybe even to help me understand myself better. I don't think I'll ever completely understand myself, maybe that's the meaning of life: To Understand Yourself.

Kindest Regards,

Potato xy

Post Script Well Done Jenson Button! Mother and I never lost faith in you when Dad did! I'm not even patriotic but I think you're a fantastic person to show the rest of the world that Britain isn't such a lame, scum-infested place!

AndyPandy PandaPie...

Hey Hey... I'm not sure if I told you... and I honestly doubt that you're going to read this (seriously, why do I bother?)... I really want you to know:

I really REALLY like you

So yeah... okay... I bet you're thinking "Stupid" or "That was Random" but whatever right? Someone agree with me! I'm such a retard that it even annoys me! Sorry Andrew...

Yours Faithfully,

Sophie Brown

xy

Post Script: Remember I couldn't say what I wanted to say on the phone because I'm a retard and was too embarrassed? Well I was going to ask if I could kiss you before you left... but as your not going I guess I wont be asking in desperation any time soon...

I'll Touch You...

I've found my skill - if you can call it that. When I like a guy, something bad will happen. When I'm happy, something bad will always happen. When I smile, something will go wrong.

Go on, built me up to knock me down. Go on, kick me when I'm down. Go on, laugh at my misfortune.

Why? Because I must be made of pure evil. I like a guy, now he's broken. I'm having fun and someone will tell me something I don't want to hear. Hell, last time I had fun at the beach my dad had his knee dislocated by my dog!

I'm evil, it's natural, it's not my fault. Want to break? Want to be taken along for a ride and then dropped off in the trash? Want to live in a world where nothing is sensible and everyone is either over-dramatic or a spoil=sport? HANG OUT WITH ME! All entries to this world are free and if you're lucky enough to get out, you'll either be damaged or smarter than the rest of humanity.

Don't say I didn't warn you,
Kindest Regards,
Lucifer xy

Raype me...

OMG! I THINK I JUST FILLED MY PANTS! RAY WON DANCING ON ICE! SALUTE HIS AMAZINGNESS! ADORE HIS EVERYTHING! HE IS THE SECOND COMING (after Barack Obama)... HE IS MY FUTURE HUSBAND! I'M GOING TO DIVORCE MY CAT (sorry Santi) AND MARRY RAY QUINN! THEN HAVE HIS BABIES AND OMG! HE IS JUST SO AWESOME! I'M SO TOTALLY OBSESSED AND IN LOVE! GAH! xD HE'S COST MY FAMILY SO MUCH MONEY OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS WITH VOTING ON THE X FACTOR AND THEN ON THIS AND IT WAS FINALLY WORTH IT!

Kindest Regards,

Sophie Quinn.

<3

Dreams aren't Real...

Ever had a Nightmare? Ever had a Nightmare that's deeply upset you? Ever had a Nightmare that's deeply upset you so much so that you've started sobbing inconsolably in the car even though your parents are present? I have. It happened last night and I'm still tearful about it. It's a bit patchy, but let me tell you about it...

Let's Begin:~

It started outside my house and it was in the night time. It wasn't exactly the dead of night, so the sky was an extremely dull, dark shade of grey with little white flies hovering around the lamp posts. I was in a dull green car with the headlines off. The car seemed to be soundproof as there was a lot of noise inside it, yet it appeared that nobody on the outside could hear. Inside the car was a fat, hideous, ginger, balding guy (who looked like a farmer). He was around early 40s and had really bad, red skin. He was grabbing my ankles as I screamed, he was trying to pull me back into the car so that he could rape me. I was trying to crawl out, my fingers griping onto the door frame, but his grip was so tight that it hurt.

When I finally managed to break free (somehow), I was sobbing and scrambled to the door. I felt immense pain and I'm not sure whether it was physical or emotional. My body shook with fear and my sense were amplified a thousand times duet to fear, confusion and weakness. Mother was the only person present.

Next thing I know, the doorbell goes and Mother answers it. I'm curled up in the corner, screaming in fear, yet the person at the door isn't the rapist... it's my biological father. Now, just so you know, I've made a conscious effort not to see him for 5 years, and even though I answered the door to him on Christmas Eve, I haven't really seen him. He left in 1999 (I think), so I'm not at all close to him and I hope not to see him again.

To my absolute horror and disgust, I sprinted to the door, clung to him and refused to let go. Sobbing into his chest, it was as if I was 5 again. In that moment (in my dream) I never wanted Daddy to leave and I loved him with all my might... Thinking back, maybe I was 5 in my dream.

Back To Reality:~

I told my parents my dream, yet I left out the part about my Father as Dad would probably get extremely upset by this part. To us (the family), he's my Dad. End of. So for him to know that what was upsetting me the most was directly to do with my father, well, I'd uderstand if he felt hurt and betrayed.

I wish this dream to never happen again. Like I said earlier, it still makes me tearful to think about it. And I just hope that this posts title holds true. I didn't post this to upset people, or get sympathy. I posted this because I'd like to have a record of this dream down, so if ever it happens again, I might be able to find a pattern of events to go with it. It's not like it's rare for me to dream about being raped or people trying to kill me, but maybe there's a reason. However, reason or not, it's still a horrible experience... Maybe it's the books I read...

Happy Mother's Day tomorrow,

Kindest Regards,

Potato xy

Release the Shackles!

• Dear Rob,

You made me what I am. You were the first (and last) person that I truly loved. You made me happy and worthy and everything positive. Then once you made me, you broke me... threw me away... left me. Two years later, what do I find out? That it's fine. I beat nostalgia. No longer do I miss you, no longer do I have to make out with you everytime I see you 'because you're Rob,' and no longer do I cloud my mind with images of how you were. I'm over you. I know have finally accepted that I'm like that sad old lady who couldn't really realise that her ex never loved her, she was just another girlfriend. When you find love (maybe you already have), then you'll understand why I became a shell of the old me. Look at me now, I'm so happy, I'm so happy I've gotten over you.

• Dear Rhys,

Okay... where do I begin? You never really made an impact on me to be honest, just re-opened the Rob Issue. You text me, you meet up with me, you go out with your ex boyfriend (who's younger brother went on to ask me out). Yes, our relationship (that never progressed more than a friendship -much to my disappointment) was short and sweet as candy floss. Also like candy floss, it didn't survive 'bad weather' and it went bad as soon as minds began to wonder... Yes, I'm still a tad fascinated with you: your little round gay face, your ever-changing hairstyles, your latest fad. Yes I can't walk into Tesco without the thought that you'll see me and smile, shatering my sanity once your back is turned, or even worse, the thought that you'll be there and disapprove of me. As far as it goes though... I don't think about you around the clock, and I never think of the day we met, and I never wish it could've been.

What a silly fool I've been...

Kindest Regards,

Potato xy

Questioning a Theory

People in the same family are related by blood and "blood is thicker than water" says that family ("blood") relations are more important than relations with friends. Example: "When my best friend and my brother got in a fight I had to help my brother; blood is thicker than water." "Blood is thicker than water" compares the thickness of blood (family relationship) to the thickness of water (friendships) and says that our family relations are more important ("thicker") than all others. Example: "Friends will come and friends will go but your family is always there for you; blood is thicker than water." Family relations (blood) are more important (thicker) than other relations (water) so "blood is thicker than water."

- http://www.goenglish.com/BloodIsThickerThanWater.asp

My cat (Santi) is staring through the window at the cat next door. He may be completely unaware that he's staring straight at his own mother... Santi was born next door and was then brought to my house the moment he hit the age that he needs to be before taken by his mother by law.

This depressing scene has made me wonder something, this something questions a theory which parents and siblings that have done something wrong, always say to someone related to them. They say: Blood is Thicker Than Water.

To be honest, I've never questioned it before. Neither did I sit down and think about it, I just accepted it. Of course, I tried to argue when it was used against me, however in my heart I thought it to be true.

What about now? Do I still consider it right? Well, after Santi's display, I only consider ir right to the extent of mankind. For a lion, it's his pride not his family. For a human, it's what he knows to be his blood.

What do I mean? Well if a child grew up thinking that Yannis was his Dad and it turned out that Kevin was his Dad... Who would he save in the event of a drink driver? Of course, there's the chance that he'd want to know about his past, his family background, his roots. Yet if he chose his biological father, he'd loose out on all the lifetime of memories, the bonds that were built up were be destroyed, his true role model would be nothing but a corpse.

Yes, I know it's depressing and yes, I know it's a freak occurance if this actually happened, but please, just think about it. Is blood always thicker than water?

Kindest Regards,

Potato xy

Being Human

No, I am not talking about the absolutely amazing television programme that has left me lost in it's absence. No, I am not lost in it's absence due to the loss of my weekly viewing of the lovable, huggable vampire, Mitchell (for your information, George's a sweetheart and Annie is erm, cute?)... No, I am talking about being human as in, being what we are, humans. There is no way of simplifying that phrase and yes, I used No as a sentence starter three times. Why? Because I am hardcore (and three is the magic number).

So firstly, lets name one pro and one con of being a humanbeing. Actually, scratch that, lets think of THREE pros and THREE cons of being of this particular species.

PROS :

• We are aware of ourselves and our intelligence.
• Our bodies are so adapting, that they have managed to survive in almost every environment on Earth.
• The ability for us to enjoy many parts of being a part of this Earth without too much negative downside. We're very lucky to have an uncomplicated, adaptable form. (Elly's example downfall for another species was this: all male cat species have a spiked penis which makes sex incredibly painful.)

CONS :

• Our primitive reptilian brains still regardless of our intelligence, yield a lot of influence over our actions. Things like, Anger, Lust, Greed and other impulses are still very strong in us.
• We are very much like a virus on the earth. Our overpopulation and success will and has been, our downfall.
• Our separatism. Our needs to compartmentalise each other in class, race and every other label persists to be the biggest obstacle for our future well being as a race.

These were ALL given to me by the absolutely AMAZING Elly =) I'm too thick to think them up on my own!

So now that that's out of the way, I have two things to say:

Firstly, hallelujah, praise the Lord, Coleen has FINALLY left Dancing on Ice! If she's stayed in for the final, then the whole thing would've been a joke. I'm so happy Donal got through but meh... Ray all the way like...

Secondly, my Gran is in hospital... She fell off the bed and broke her hip and the dozy old Alzheimer's ridden lady that she is, probably won't walk ever again. This I'm not too bothered about, but my GrandPapi is like, the best thing I can think of. He's like my Dad, my Chauffeur and everything else wrapped in one. So Gran being his wife, this is going to well upset him... No joke about it like.

"Listen to me! You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you. This is not the worst thing that can happen"

-Tyler Durden.

Kindest Regards,

Potato xx

FALL OUT BOY -after

Dude, I can't believe this post is so late... Seriously, a whole SIX days later and now I'm writing about the Fall Out Boy concert... What's the deal with that? lol

Okay, so... Ffi came and picked me up at 14:30, this was followed by an hour long drive to Cardiff and food. We then searched for a car park and when we found one, we started to que. We were queuing for AGES and it had that stupid on-off rain that does everybody's nut in. It was chilly as well, and there were a few retarded drivers who kept on nearly driving into random parts of the que that stretched around the building at least once... But if you don't think, you don't feel. So I didn't think about it and pretty soon I stopped feeling it... I knew what it was like though as Ffion insisted on mentioning: the rain, the time, the cold. Typical Welsh Moaning (in the capital of Wales)! xD

So anyway, doors open and we pour in. Ffi and I head over to the merch table quickly and both buy a tee each for £20. (Ffi got a white Fall Out Boy tee with tour dates on the back; I got a white Hey Monday tee with an ickle kid in a monster suit on.) I chose the Hey Monday tee as I couldn't find any of their merch online and I love them lots and lots, plus I already have a Fall Out Boy top and I have LOADS of Clandestine!

Okay, so we then walk in, buy a programme for £6 each and then head for the stage where we end up like, 7-10 rows away from the front. Cooliau ya? Okay, now lets skip the chit chat and waiting and get to the bands:

• Hey Monday:~

Hey Monday hit the stage and let me tell you now, Cassadee is: pretty, tiny, adorable, talented, lovely, friendly, funny, sweet, endearing, bouncy, sexy, happy, heart-warming, etc... Plus, I am now totally in love with the bassist... Michael "Jersey" Moriarty. Seriously, in real life, he is the sex. If I remember correctly, he was playing a turquoise (might've been more blue than turquoise) bass. Cassadee then started to play the acoustic for their song Candles which is like, my 2nd favourite song of theirs. She was so good at multi-tasking! Seriously, dude... =P I think I'm in love with a girl... haha She was wearing a white tee and a multi-coloured waistcoat with black skinnys. Cassadee caught a homemade Hey Monday tee and stuck it on the mic. stand before walking off with it.

• Kids in Glass Houses:~

Okay, for some stupid reason, there was kind of like a moshpit without the senseless beatings and slown down (a hell of a lot). SO, we were all cramped and seriously, it was like a sauna! It was so incredibly hot! Then Kids in Glass Houses came out and, well, I kinda have a crush on Aled Phillips (the singer) anyway, but in real life? phwoar! He was even better! Seriously, something he and Patrick Stump have in common is that they are seriously not photogenic. He kept making us jump, which was hard as there was no room what-so-ever! He had a white shirt on with a blazer on top, then he took off the blazer and seriously... In love or what am I? xD They sound exactly the same live as on Tv. Although he didn't catch the glowstick that someone threw to him... lol Should've seen his face!

• Fall Out Boy:~

At this point, Ffion couldn't take the crowd and we went to the back. I wasn't let down or disappointed, dude, she was the only reason I was there in the first place! But it did kind of suck going from that close to that far... you know? It took 45 minutes for them to come on, and then my first thoughts were: Gosh Andy's thin! Pete is like, my God, and he's right THERE! Joe's lost the plot completely... Patrick is nowhere near as bad as he comes across on Tv! Then Cassadee came out for the end of Sugar We're Going Down, Pete threw his signature Clandestine bass across the stage and Jersey just about caught it for Pete to do his bit at the end of I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me and last but not least, Patrick did an impression of Peter Griffin off Family Guy! xD It was well cute! They went off and when they came back on, Joe did a weird run and then a rolly-polly..? Think he's lost the plot and I love it! xD I seriously can't believe that they were in the same room as me though... Seriously. One of my main idols (if not THE MAIN) was in the same room as me. Yes... I cried...

Oh, and on a tad random note: I TOTALLY NEED THESE SHOES! ALL OF THEM! DUDE! LOOK AT THEM! PURE AMAZING CLASS! (They also make me think of Gabe..? lol)

Kindest Regards,

StripeS xy

FALL OUT BOY -before

Okay, my stomach is sick and I'm ultra excited. I've been on MySpace for an hour, and in that time I:

1. wrote to Anna (in America)
2. saw Elliot Minor's new video
3. made their new song as my profile song
4. adopted a virtual pet (Padraig)
5. changed my profile a bit (to incorporate Paddraig into it)

This morning when I woke up, I had a bath, actually dried my hair with the blow dryer (which is a VERY rare occasion) and then dressed, noticing how much I adore my belt. It's bright blue with silver cone-based pyramid studs on (yes I pay attention in Math), and then a silver Clandestine belt buckle (which I bought before I even had a belt to put it on!). It looks amazing, along with my red Clandestine jacket, these things are my pride and joy! =)

I'm SO happy that I'm even wearing my Cobra Starship tee as well.

So I just put my make-up on, I have an hour until Ffion picks me up and I don't know what to do with myself! I'm so excited my brain has stopped functioning properly. I wouldn't class Fall Out Boy as my favourite band, but I would definitely class them as one of the best bands that I listen to. Pete Wentz is such an amazing lyricist, no joke.

I don't know if I'll have the energy to blog tonight about the show... So I might just blog about it tomorrow. I'll have the benefit of hindsight then! haha History paid off... all that poverty and squalor! xD

So yeah... Wishing everyone a good day, I know mine will be AMAZING (even if my dog did just poop on the conservatory floor... stupid whippet puppy that she is! xD). Mother just woke up, Dad went to work 2 hours ago...

This day will be gone in a flash I know, but it will burn bright in my memory for years to come.

Kindest Regards,

StripeS xx

Butterfly Bandage

My bum really hurts... I think I slept awkwardly. It feels like a bruise every time I sit down or move my right leg... Then I was hit in the face with a MASSIVE stick/branch thing. Top of my right cheekbone... It's going to bruise, it hurts like hell. There are my hands: my friend, Owen, brings a baseball to school and we play mean catch. We throw hard and dive to catch and all that jizzle. Well I had a few dodgy catches and it's left my hands battered... Then whilst doing the dishwasher I burnt both hands and when I plugged the lamp in under the computer desk, I burnt the top of my left ear on the radiator, which is an inch away from the computer desk. Perfect.

On a more positive note, parent's evening went fantastic and I'm going to see Fall Out Boy tomorrow! Wooo! I'm going to look like a bruise on legs but meh... I'm eating a Flake Praline right now actually... 19:15 on 6th March. That should go in the history books! Only joking, I unwrapped it at 19:15 and had my first bite at 19:16. You need to know these things... obviously. Gosh!

As my friend, Osian (the same one I mentioned in a previous post), has pointed out on his blog (that you can check out at: http://nerdspawn92.blogspot.com/) that it must be the mating season. This is true, and in my mind I have all these people whizzing around in there... There's a guy and a half in Drama, a guy in school, a guy from the past, a billion guys on Tv (of course)... It's making me feel so incredibly lonely... I haven't even had a kiss since January... Desperate right?

I might post a blog of the heartbreak that is Rob.

I might post a blog of the roller coaster that is Guy.

I might post a blog of absolutely nothing of relevance.

Whatever I do though, I'm doing it... xD

Kindest Regards,

StripeS xx

The Sun is Shining?

It's 1st March and the weather is totally nice! The sun is shining (more so than ever lately) and I actually woke up before 3pm =)

The music on Tv is good, it's no longer hard to remember why NME is officially my favourite channel, followed by MTV2, Scuzz and Kerrang...

I still have loads of work to do though, and I honestly just can not be bothered! Seriously like... Gah...

Yuck I just sneezed... 14th March I'm meeting up with my ex... Uh-oh! lol No, I do really want to mind you, it's me that arranged the date! I guess I'm just boring you all now, I found out they don't have Wispa bars in America though! SHOCK HORROR! lol

Oh, and Dancing on Ice is on tonight (which means I get to perv on Ray Quinn and Matt Evers) and Being Human (which means I get to perv on Mitchell (Aidan Turner)). So yeah, tonight is already sounding better than last night!

Kindest Regards,

StripeS xx