Let's Begin:~ It started outside my house and it was in the night time. It wasn't exactly the dead of night, so the sky was an extremely dull, dark shade of grey with little white flies hovering around the lamp posts. I was in a dull green car with the headlines off. The car seemed to be soundproof as there was a lot of noise inside it, yet it appeared that nobody on the outside could hear. Inside the car was a fat, hideous, ginger, balding guy (who looked like a farmer). He was around early 40s and had really bad, red skin. He was grabbing my ankles as I screamed, he was trying to pull me back into the car so that he could rape me. I was trying to crawl out, my fingers griping onto the door frame, but his grip was so tight that it hurt.
When I finally managed to break free (somehow), I was sobbing and scrambled to the door. I felt immense pain and I'm not sure whether it was physical or emotional. My body shook with fear and my sense were amplified a thousand times duet to fear, confusion and weakness. Mother was the only person present.
Next thing I know, the doorbell goes and Mother answers it. I'm curled up in the corner, screaming in fear, yet the person at the door isn't the rapist... it's my biological father. Now, just so you know, I've made a conscious effort not to see him for 5 years, and even though I answered the door to him on Christmas Eve, I haven't really seen him. He left in 1999 (I think), so I'm not at all close to him and I hope not to see him again.
To my absolute horror and disgust, I sprinted to the door, clung to him and refused to let go. Sobbing into his chest, it was as if I was 5 again. In that moment (in my dream) I never wanted Daddy to leave and I loved him with all my might... Thinking back, maybe I was 5 in my dream.
Back To Reality:~
I told my parents my dream, yet I left out the part about my Father as Dad would probably get extremely upset by this part. To us (the family), he's my Dad. End of. So for him to know that what was upsetting me the most was directly to do with my father, well, I'd uderstand if he felt hurt and betrayed.
I wish this dream to never happen again. Like I said earlier, it still makes me tearful to think about it. And I just hope that this posts title holds true. I didn't post this to upset people, or get sympathy. I posted this because I'd like to have a record of this dream down, so if ever it happens again, I might be able to find a pattern of events to go with it. It's not like it's rare for me to dream about being raped or people trying to kill me, but maybe there's a reason. However, reason or not, it's still a horrible experience... Maybe it's the books I read...
Happy Mother's Day tomorrow,
Kindest Regards,
Potato xy
No comments:
Post a Comment